it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
