if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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