I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
