So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
