I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
