I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
