Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I seem to have left my pride at pride
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
