He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
