If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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