okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
