Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
