so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
