So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
