roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize