i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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