fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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