So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
