I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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