so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
