Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
