I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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