cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
