You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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