i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
