i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
