the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
