no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
