Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
