Say something about gay babies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize