Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
