i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
