i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
