I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
