I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
