can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
