she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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