Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
