I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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