She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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