Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize