I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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