you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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