i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
