Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
