Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Green mimosas i think yes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
