batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
