can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
