He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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