Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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