The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
