They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
