whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
