; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
