Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
