4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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