You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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