All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
