He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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