you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
