if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
