It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish I only lived at night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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