Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so let's talk penis.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
