and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize