I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
