Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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