big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
